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Christmas Season For Sensitive Children

Tips for a Calm Christmas

My oldest son, Davis who is 8 years old, has made no less than five Christmas wish lists.  He has put a few in envelopes addressed to Santa at the North Pole.  He has written a list in a book with "Santa's Magic Pen" that is transmitted directly to Santa without the middleman (sorry Mr. Mailman).  And has another one or two in the works.  Davis sits at the computer placing toys on wish list at Amazon.com and browses Toys R Us for an hour at a time.  The latest tactic he uses for trying to get approval for being on the computer is "I'm finding a Christmas present for my brother".  Jackson is not interested in the Green Ninjago, but Davis is picking it out "for his brother" wink, wink.

Every day Davis exclaims how excited he is for Christmas to get here and that it is his favorite day of the year.  I can see it happening in his eyes, the anxiousness is building up and he is going to get over-excited.  My little guy has anxiety along with his autism.  Whenever I think of anxiety in general terms, I associate anxiety with having to deal with difficult situations.  I learned three years ago that this is not always the case with Davis.

We had just moved into our new home a few months before Christmas.  At the end of our new family room, the ceiling is vaulted with large windows and a floor to ceiling stone fireplace in the center of the wall.  For years I have torn out pictures of tall rooms with stone fireplaces and saved them in a folder titled "Dream Home".  During the years of dreaming of this beautiful family room, I could always picture a full, tall Christmas tree in the corner.  Right after Thanksgiving, we unpacked the Christmas decorations and I went to the store purchase a new tree to add to our collection.  I bought colored lights and gold tinsel.  This was going to be a colorful tree for the boys where they would find presents from Santa underneath Christmas morning.  I was getting wrapped up in all of the excitement!  (pun intended) I would use phrases like "This is going to be the best Christmas ever" and "I am so excited for Christmas to be here".  Christmas Eve my husband was even more enthusiastic than myself and added to the excitement.  Eric kept reiterating that Santa was going to come!!!

When we anticipated that Christmas morning would be the BEST EVER, we were surprised by Davis' reaction.  He threw up.  He had no fever and he didn't get sick again.  The rest of the day he spent laying on the living room floor playing with his toys just like he did when he was two years old, before we started noticing the signs of autism.  He had gone over his limit.  The excitement of Christmas was too much.  We over did it.  I over did it.  I had forgotten about the time the exact same thing happened on his 5th birthday.  He had his first party with friends at our house and he got sick then also.  Everyone was playing with Styrofoam swords outside and Davis was laying on the living room floor lining up toys.  How could I forget that the excitement of the party and the friends had this effect on him?!

Among all of the festivities and celebrating of the Christmas Season, autism still exists.  It is 24 - 7.  I desire for my children to feel the excitement that I did when I was a little girl waiting for Santa to arrive.  My mother made Christmas special and I wanted to pass along the same traditions to my boys.  I realized the hard way that what I need to so is celebrate a little less enthusiastically.

The following year, I did not forget about Davis' 5th birthday and the previous Christmas.  This Christmas could be just as special and fun, but presented in a much more calm manner.  It is easy to get on the Christmas band wagon and want to take my children to see Santa, to the mall to shop, on a drive to see Christmas lights, to all of the parties and to see family.  Without eliminating all of these exciting, sensory filled activities, we manage to participate with a little less fanfare.

TIPS FOR EASING HOLIDAY ANXIETY:

Keeping in mind that our children can be sensitive and anxious will make the season much more enjoyable for everyone.  The fewer melt downs there are can mean fewer tears that are shed, for everyone.

1)  Try to attend fewer parties, attend the ones with a shorter guest list and don't plan to stay as long.

2)  Avoiding the mall may not always be avoided, but shopping is much easier today with all of our online options.  Take advantage of them!

3)  Rather than looking at Christmas lights at the large, well publicized location, opt for a shorter drive through neighborhoods where there won't be a long line. You can escape easier and plan a shorter excursion.

4)  Be soft and quiet.  This is the best AND easiest thing we do now.  We limit the high- pitched, excited voices and use soft, subdued tones.  Talking a little less about how excited we are helps too.  Whenever my son mentions how excited he is about Christmas I simply state, "I know, me too" without elaborating.

5)  Don't over plan.  There are so many fun activities and traditions that come along with Christmas, I tend to want to do them all.  Pick and choose which ones your child will enjoy the most.  Spread them out over the entire season rather than trying to pack everything into two days.  For example:  Every year we make gluten free chocolate chip pancakes, cut them into gingerbread men and decorate them.  Rather then doing this on Christmas Eve morning, we did this on a Saturday morning a few weeks before Christmas.

6)  Prepare and use visuals.  Whenever we have gone on vacation, we have prepared our boys so that they will know what to expect.  Not knowing what is going to happen is a major cause for anxiety.  A few days before leaving, we look at pictures of the hotel as well as the rooms, maps, video tours of the sights we plan to see, etc.  One way we do this for Christmas is with their gifts.  Getting gifts is ultimately what children get most excited about at Christmas time.  Whenever Davis is planning his Christmas lists on the computer, I look at the toys he selects and discuss them with him.  My husband and I know what we have purchased or plan to purchase, so by my son looking at the toy on the computer he is being prepared to receive that gift.  On Christmas Day, after Santa has arrived, there is still the element of surprise because Santa actually showed up.  However, the toys are not unknowns.  By talking about the gifts and looking at pictures beforehand we've managed to decrease the level of anxiety for Christmas morning.  Yeah, I know, sounds brilliant.  This was not a thought out process or a plan that I devised.  It happened naturally and worked to our benefit.

There are other ways that all of the excitement and grandeur of Christmas can be kept to a minimum.  By finding ways for your child to enjoy Christmas, rather than it being a cause for anxiety, everyone will have a much merrier Christmas!  Merry Christmas to you and your family.  May you all be richly blessed.